i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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