shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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