just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
