at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
