i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
FUCK WHALES
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
