4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
