Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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