just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
where are you?
Hypothermia
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
