We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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