i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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