she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize