i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
