just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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