The maid of honor just puked.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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