i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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