Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
