my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize