i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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