Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
