do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
