Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Semen is not good for contacts.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
