Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
