i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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