Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
