Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
