This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
