When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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