At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
