If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
