its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
