My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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