I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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