Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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