Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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