I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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