My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
