meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
