I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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