i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
