All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
