if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
