my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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