we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
tell me about the eggs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
