so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
