capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
