Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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