In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
