The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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