Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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