textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
