I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
