You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
