What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
