I want to walk on stilts...naked
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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