Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yo dont text me then not text me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
