tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
