i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
