I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize