Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
