How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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