Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
