nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
