Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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