Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
