you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
