Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
the raccoons are back...
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