It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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