I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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