dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
