Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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