I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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