In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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