The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
