you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
