two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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