u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
