I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
