Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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