I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
