I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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