At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
