So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
