You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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