i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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