last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
