I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
