as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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