I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
