"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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